(Source: villere, via vineetkaur)
(Source: villere, via vineetkaur)
Today is my first official unemployed weekday. Ever.

I didn’t really sleep very well, I wasn’t sure how today was going to feel and I kept trying to visualize every minute and prepare myself for an ocean of emotions (which may or may not have included a panic attack). Tissue boxes were purchased, my favourite track pants were sitting on the chair near our bed and I was pre-planning my carb-infused meals (and snacks) for the day. Then, a really odd thing happened. I woke up at 6:30 (normal), I wandered into the living room, started my tea and sat with the cats in the bluish haze that fills our corner suite. I didn’t check my phone, open my laptop or turn on the tv. I drank my tea, and walked outside, towards the ocean. I reached the beach where months earlier Jake, Nanny and I spread some of the ashes of my beloved grandfather. My body was filled with a genuine sense of knowing that everything was going to be fine. It was like in that moment my heart was speaking to his. That feeling of being unsure, not good enough and fearful of an unpredicted future. However, as I walked back home, I found myself going back my usual place of dissection and reasoning: maybe it’s the hair cut, the 20lb weight loss, maybe it’s because I saved money.. maybe..possibly..

I stopped myself. The truth is that today I know myself a lot better than I ever have. I decided about 2 months ago to change my outlook, drop my attachment to old feelings and (consider) doing things differently then I have in the past. This consisted of clearing conversations, a long awaited hair-cut, and some deep conversations about fear. I am so proud to say that I have started doing the work. I have clear goals and vision that excites me, I have finally created balance for myself, I have chosen to embrace change and open myself up to every possibility. I finally took the time to consider that everything that has happened has pointed me in this new and exciting direction. My learnings: Create your life, be open, stop holding yourself back, live big.
Authentically yours,
Oli 2.0
